JFK.  LBJ.  AOC?

I don’t know about you, but I can’t get enough of that young lady…Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. AOC for short.  This newly elected 29-year-old self-described Socialist Congresswoman from New York…kinda cute at certain angles and just the right lighting, overflowing in spunk, well-intentioned…but intellectually, makes your garden-variety train wreck resemble a simple fender bender.

Did you…um…catch that 60 Minutes interview?  Any interviewer of her that I’ve seen…Anderson Cooper in this case…just sits there with their jaw dropped to the floor.  Utter amazement at what they are hearing…clearly trying not to burst out laughing.  Or simply awash in confusion.

So, as all this got me thinking about stupid women in general, visions of Nancy Pelosi danced through my head.

Last Christmas reference, I promise.

So…with apologies to Batman and Robin…I give you…The Dynamic Duo of Dumbness!

D-cubed for you math majors.

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OK everyone…WAKE UP!…chop, chop…Holidays are over.  Time to get your aching head back in the game.  And for the love of God…PLEASE dispose of that vile Eggnog.  That crap makes me want to heave even before the expiration date rears its ugly head.  I DO have a sporting chance of keeping it down if it’s laced with some fine Cognac…but soiling top shelf booze like that just seems REALLY wrong.

And given my official Holiday weight gain of 3 pounds, I fully expect Michael Moore to start doing fat jokes about ME.

Anyway…

I know you’re all as dog tired as me of enduring the endless semantic circle jerk as it relates to the current…let’s be candid…25% shutdown of the government.

25%?  Yeah.  Big Whoop.

Walls…Fences…Steel Slats…Barriers.  PLEASE F*CKING STOP!!!  I’m getting a headache layered on top of my Holiday binge drinking headache. Continue reading →

Can you believe it?  This is the third Christmas season for The Drunken Republican.  But if I’ve learned ONE thing…it’s that folks are way too busy around the Holidays to sit around with their loved ones in front of the Christmas tree, and even THINK about some silly political blog that is really nothing more than a collection of snarky one-liners spewed by a frustrated comedy writer.

During a normal week, I’m perfectly OK competing for the time of potential readers against things like watching paint dry, and picking lint out of one’s belly button.  But wasting ANY hilarious Michael Moore fat jokes during the Holiday season that very few will have the pleasure of seeing…well…I just don’t see the point.

And in that vain, I have decided to re-publish a poem I wrote on the very first Drunken Republican Christmas, chronicling Donald Trump’s journey to the White House.  If Jimmy Fallon and The Roots can take a holiday hiatus, dammit, so can I.

I hope this little trip down memory lane warms the cockles of your heart as it did for me… Continue reading →

Before Donald Trump came along to snatch an election from some woman we all wish would just make like a tree and LEAVE…and I heard the word “Trigger”…the first thing that entered my consciousness was a horse owned by some singer/actor dude named Roy Rogers.  OK, a bit before my time…and most likely yours…but the reference works, so hang with me.

NOW…when I hear THAT word…I immediately think of the aforementioned Donald J. Trump…and literally everything he says, does, or tweets that TRIGGERS the entire 50% of the country that bemoans his very existence on this planet.  In its purest form, of course, “trigger” simply indicates a total spaz out.  And if a person…uh…hypothetically speaking…was so pathetic as to have enough time on their hands to ACTUALLY Google the word “spaz,” they would find the verb form definition to be…”lose physical or emotional control.”

Hmmm…coincidentally, that’s the very same definition as “Trump Derangement Syndrome.”  Wait…check that…I’m one word off here.  The ACTUAL TDS definition is “lose physical, emotional, or bladder control.”

Gonna be a great Christmas over at the Depends factory…🎼 LET IT FLOW, LET IT FLOW, LET IT FLOW 🎼 Continue reading →

Sniff, Sniff.  Do you smell that?  Something’s burning.  Oh wait…it’s just Paris.  And if anyone’s surprised one iota by that, you might be afflicted by the political equivalent of Attention Deficit Disorder.  This recent rioting in the City of Lights…ostensibly started over another massive increase in gas taxes, elevating gas prices to about 7 bucks a gallon. 

But it was really about much, much more.

SEVEN BUCKS!!!  Jesus…I’d expect a post fill-up happy ending for THAT price.

Thank God I have Amazon Prime so I can get free shipping on that rickshaw I just ordered…said every person in France. Continue reading →

Another great man has passed.  I was always a big fan of George Herbert Walker Bush…affectionately referred to as “Bush 41.”  I mean, how could you NOT be?  I’m actually writing this blog while watching his funeral service…typing on my iPad through the blur of tears at times. 

Hey, even the crusty old Drunken Republican can be a big, fat softie.

But throughout the moving…and often humorous…eulogies, the media coverage of his passing several days earlier churned in my brain, and I seemed overcome…not by emotion…but by a rush of lamentable observations.

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What’s that old saying again?  A picture’s worth a thousand words?

Well…The Trump haters THOUGHT they had that little crown jewel image a few months ago…kids who were dragged across the border illegally by irresponsible parents at best…smuggled by coyotes at worst…sitting in some sort of fenced in cage-like apparatus.

Twitter erupted like Mount Vesuvius.

TRUMP, YOU PIECE OF SHIT BASTARD!

Except…ummm…yeah…that pic was from 2014…during the God awful Obama years.

OOPSIE!

To quote Gilda Radner’s alter ego, Emily Litella…NEVER MIND. Continue reading →

Finally…and quite mercifully…the election in The Sunshine State has ended with the EXACT SAME friggin’ result that we had on election night.  Shocker.  That, despite the best efforts of a gaggle of shady Leftist Democrat election lawyers who crawled out from underneath their respective rocks residing somewhere deep in the bowels of Clinton World.  A string of lawsuits longer than the faces at Hillary’s win party, attempting to snatch the rightful victories from Rick Scott and Ron DeSantis, by changing Florida election laws on the fly…and AFTER the buzzer.

Nice try. Continue reading →

You know, I live in Florida.  And I have to say, Florida gets a REALLY bad rap when it comes to elections.  No, seriously.  The vast, vast majority of counties, like 65 of 67 in this latest midterm election, have no problem counting friggin’ votes.  Even a bunch of counties up in the big bend and panhandle areas that just got their asses kicked by a monster hurricane a few weeks ago bounced back like champs and were actually able to…ya know…FOLLOW ALL THE ELECTION LAWS.

But not the numb nuts down in Broward county, and its evil step-sister, Palm Beach county…who once again shit the bed…or voting booth, in this case.  These two usual suspects  “FOUND” like 93,000 votes AFTER election night?  What is this, f*cking Uganda?  The incompetence of these Bozos…with apologies to The Clown…is only exceeded by their corruption.  Continue reading →

It was the big blue “wave” that dribbled like a leg-wetting Lib sporting over saturated Depends. The predicted Category 5 that meekly rolled in as an angry sun shower.  The BIG guns swarmed…Obama…Hillary…Oprah…Beyoncé…Taylor.  Zillions of dollars handed over to the most progressive candidates by Lib billionaires like monopoly money.  All for naught.   How pathetic.  And nobody to blame but themselves.

Oh sure, the Dems took back the House…no small thing, mind you.  Credit where credit is due.  But…given the headwinds of history against the GOP in terms of new presidents losing an average of ~30 House seats in their first midterm…they got a few more than that, and only needed 23.

But nowhere NEAR the red wave of 63 House seats gained by the GOP in 2010 after Barry shoved that Obamacare junk in our trunk. Continue reading →