Monty Python fans will recognize that title.
Anyway…one thing I’ve learned from writing this blog since 2016 is that viewership is pretty depressed around the Holidays. Well, sort of depressed ALL the time, but you know what I mean.
Folks are really busy spending time with family, engorging themselves with food and booze, trying to keep their crazy uncle on special Holiday release from the loony bin from frightening the children.
I get it.
But since I hate just going dark…same with turkey and chicken btw, and no, that’s NOT racist…I have in the past just written a (hopefully) funny poem, or some shit like that.
I’ll get caught up on a lot of juicy subjects in the new year, but for now, I have written my own…albeit shortened…version of Jingle Bells, that I have titled, “Wrinkled Balls”…an ode of sorts to our Illegitimate President-Elect, Joe What’s-His-Name.
And of course, it helps if you sing it in your head to the cadence of the actual “Jingle Bells.”
For full nauseating effect.
Enjoy!
Wrinkled balls, wrinkled balls,
Biden is a stiff.
We all know what Kamala does,
She throws him off a cliff.
Wrinkled balls, wrinkled balls,
Biden is a stiff.
We all know what Kamala does,
She throws him off a cliff.
He got votes from the dead,
Has rails on his bed.
He’s a phony Pres*i*dent,
Through a tube he’s fed.
To the Left he lied,
The Commie Pinkos cried.
If the China virus came to him,
Millions would have died, HEY!
Wrinkled balls, wrinkled balls,
Biden is a stiff.
We all know what Kamala does,
She throws him off a cliff.
Wrinkled balls, wrinkled balls,
Biden is a stiff.
We all know what Kamala does,
She throws him off a cliff.
The election was a steal,
What a crooked deal.
The Libs can kiss my ass,
This just can’t be real.
The Donald we want more,
In twenty-twenty-four.
But now we are completely f*cked,
‘Til Sleepy’s out the door, HEY!
Wrinkled balls, wrinkled balls,
Biden is a stiff.
We all know what Kamala does,
She throws him off a cliff.
Wrinkled balls, wrinkled balls,
Biden is a stiff.
We all know what Kamala does,
She throws him off a cliff.
A grown man writing this juvenile nonsense? Can you imagine?
Wrinkled balls? What the hell is wrong with me?
Here is a little Diddy for you to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Should lift your spirits as you struggle to face reality.
You know Putin, and Stalin, and Hitler, and Lenin
Hussein, Bol Sonaro, KJU, Edogan
But do you recall
The most heinous world leader of all?
Donald the orange nosed menace
Tried to steal democracy
He’d like to be dictator
All he does is watch tv
All of the other leaders
Cringe and laugh behind his back
They all know he’s a moron
Competency he does lack
Locking up kids in cages
Mexico will build a wall
Tax breaks just for the wealthy
Pussy grabbing, lies and all
Then one long November night
People stood to say
Donald we want decency
Pandemic is your legacy
Then how the country reveled
People dancing in the streets
Donald the orange nosed menace
You’re a putz in history
Donald the orange nosed menace
Tried to steal democracy
He’d like to be dictator
All he does is watch tv
BRAVO! Nicely done. Totally serious, not easy to do that. Even a Trump acolyte like myself has to respect that effort.
What other SPECIAL talents do you have?
That’s a catchy little ditty. I look forward to singing it every Christmas for the next four years. In case you haven’t checked the math, your beloved 45 will be even older and more senile and incoherent than he is now, and certainly older and less competent than Biden or the average house plant.
One other minor suggestion…
There was no voter fraud, and this election wasn’t stolen. We are going on two months now, and the amazing legal team of Giuliani, Ellis, Wood and Powell have literally produced nothing in terms of actual evidence. None. They have lost more cases, many in front of Trump appointed judges, than the Mets and the Jets combined in 2020. Whatever happened to all of that “winning”?
The entire claim of rigged elections is a grift to steal more money from gullible Trump cult followers and is no more real than his claim that he had the largest inauguration crowd (false), that a Hurricane really was following the track of his Sharpie (false), that he is a 3 handicap in golf (haha have you seen him swing??), or his claim that he would reduce the federal deficit (woefully false).
He is a complete sham and and the rigged election is a con job, also known as a stupidity tax on low-IQ Trumpers.
Thanks again for the song though, maybe you can add a verse on Yeti pubes courtesy of Stormy herself.
Yeti pubes. OUTSTANDING!
Donald Lost, Donald Lost, Donald Lost the Vote,
Ho What Fun To See Him Seethe, as an Angry Little Elf, Oh!
Donald Lost, Donald Lost, Donald Lost the Vote,
Now he’ll go to jail and cry, and Melania will dump him too.
Cyrus Vance is coming, Cyrus Vance is coming,
Cyrus Vance is coming to town.
Trump is his target, immunity is long gone
And nothing will turn him around.
Tax Fraud is rampant, Bank Fraud is blatant,
Donald is going down
It’s kinda fun watching Donald and the Trump Train Lose over and over and over again (60 and counting). It’s like Groundhog Day and January 6th will be the next time. Trump Loses and Biden Wins! (Guaranteed). Wining once was great, but 60+ times is euphoric. And the next time it will even be proclaimed by Vice-President Pence and the vast majority of Republican Senators – Probably 88-12. All because Trump says: “Thank you, may I have another”. When will it stop? I don’t know and I don’t care. Bring it on through the inauguration. It’s fun to watch. I will miss the entertainment value so much.
I see a new Game Show for Trump: “Losers Who Won’t Lose” It’s a combination of “Naked and Afraid” and “Rollerball”. Lot’s of action and ready for NETFLIX. Ivanka is the first contestant and I will do Pay-for-View” on that one for sure. You know you would too.
I am disappointed in the GOP and they need to get their shit together over the next 2 years to gain back some integrity and sensibility and power. I Gotta Believe they can do it, but it’s a 2-year journey, if they can ditch the Bitch.
My Predictions:
1. Pence Announces Biden the Presidential Winner on 1/6/21 @ 306 vs. 232 – Landslide Victory!
2. 74M People roam around surprised and dazed waiting for GODOT
3. 80M US People Rejoice, along with 7.7B people around the world
4. Biden becomes the duly elected President on 1/20/21
5. Tom rejoins the Republican Party on 1/21/21
6. Trump wines more than a case of ’72 chateau
7. Trump political offspring divide the party for the next 2 years
8. Melania files for divorce by June 30th 2021
9. The SDNY DA files many State criminal charges on Trump by Sept 30th 2021l Just like Al Capone, it will be Tax Evasion that brings him down.
10. Trump becomes irrelevant by 12/31/22 and true Republican values and Leaders are restored.
11. Historians converge on Trump as the 46th worst president and the first Presidential Hypnotist to 74 million followers. The spell is broken and we reunite
10. Republican return to sensical conservative fiscal and defense policies, moderated with progressive social policies for the long-term good of the country.
Bonus. Everyone proclaims: “Halleluiah!”