Ya know, I try to watch these Democratic debates, I really do. I mean, I’m a political junkie, I write a political blog…AND I’m a glutton for punishment.
Making great strides with my therapist on the latter.
And speaking of strides…the Democrats made monumental ones last week with their, what, 67th debate?
All the other ones were practically unwatchable…ya know, like actual footage of a C-Section on one of those medical channels, or Rosie O’Donnell getting undressed.
Ew on both counts.
But last week was completely different..and inevitable.
It was simply a combination of billionaire Mike Bloomberg FINALLY making an appearance OTHER than in one of his $400 million of TV ads. And this coincided perfectly with these losers FINALLY realizing the time for playing nicey nice with their competitors has long passed.
I mean, the insults and name calling were flying, and the moderators, while otherwise sucking, did quite a nice job of throwing gasoline on THAT fire.
I fully engaged for the entire two hours. A first.
Three of my favorite moments, in no particular order…
Lizzy Warren, aka Pocahontas, comes right out of the gate castigating Bloomberg for calling women in the past “fat broads” and “horse-faced lesbians.”
Fat broads? I must invoke that phrase at least twice a day. Don’t sweat it Mike, you’re in good company.
If Bloomberg had astute advisors, they’d flip the script on this unfair attack by offering FREE 2-year gym memberships to any woman with a BMI over 28. All would be forgotten.
MORE FREE STUFF! Now THAT’S speaking their language.
Next…Bloomberg jumps all over Bernie, basically calling him a Communist. I mean, if the shoe fits…
But Bernie gets his Depends in a wad and calls it a cheap shot. Really?
C’MON BERNIE, YOU HAD YOUR GODDAMN HONEYMOON AND CONSUMMATED YOUR MARRIAGE IN MOSCOW, FOR SHIT’S SAKE!!!
I mean, foreplay for Bernie is reading his partner a couple chapters of the Communist Manifesto.
Lastly…Mayor Pete Boot-Edge-Edge gave Amy Klobuchar a ration of shit for not being able to come up with the name of Mexico’s President in a recent interview.
Amy responded by saying, “Are you trying to say that I’m dumb? Are you mocking me here, Pete.”
To be fair, she has NOT released her latest IQ test to my knowledge, so it IS an open question of sorts. It’s not like she’s Maxine Waters and her obscene dumbness is common knowledge and/or overtly apparent.
Now, if it isn’t obvious as to why, before this debate, it seemed like Bloomberg was in the witness protection program, you weren’t paying much attention.
I have not verified this, but I think Bloomberg played the part of the dead guy in Weekend At Bernie’s.
Talk about a stiff. And the charisma of a puss-oozing boil. Ain’t gonna cut it…billions in the bank or not.
And let’s be honest…you can also stick a fork in Pocahontas, Boot-Edge-Edge, and Klobuchar…who REALLY needs a nickname.
And Biden’s once ginormous lead in South Carolina…his supposed FIREWALL…has dropped more precipitously than Michael Moore’s life expectancy.
Meanwhile, clear front runner Comrade Sanders… wrap your melon around THAT one…has a clusterf*ck of an interview with Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes in which he is utterly clueless about how much his policy proposals will cost…experts estimate $60 trillion over a decade, doubling the size of government…and he praises Cuba and fellow comrade Fidel Castro.
Channeling my inner Bart Simpson…AY CARAMBA!!!
Another debate tonight…same shit, different day, I reckon.
Super Tuesday will surely begin to clear the disorientating haze of this race.
Sadly for the Democrats, Tuesday March 3rd will likely be anything BUT Super.
The worst part was when they debated about each other’s penis size. Oh wait, that was the Republicans in 2016. Pot meet kettle, nobody is a bigger circus clown than your joke of a President.