Michael Jordan. Magic Johnson. Larry Bird.
No, I have NOT transitioned this to a hoops blog…just hang with me.
These three basketball greats were part of the original Olympic Dream Team in 1992 in Barcelona. Old raisin heads like me…even with somewhat pickled brains…STILL remember this both fondly and vividly.
Fast forward to today’s Impeachment Olympics and those names have been replaced by Alan Dershowitz, Ken Starr, and Robert Ray.
These three brilliant legal minds have been added to President Trump’s already impressive legal Dream Team that will fight the impeach hoax, and know more about constitutional law than Michael Moore knows about saturated fat.
More importantly, though, they’re all regulars on the cable news circuit as legal experts, and thus quite comfortable in front of the camera.
Let me play Captain Obvious for a moment.
This years-old promise of impeachment bullshit has now entered the official wheelhouse of Donald J. Trump…just another episode in The Donald’s Presidential Reality Show…Survivor: White House.
Make no mistake…THIS. IS. A. TV. PRODUCTION.
And while Trump DOES legitimately need a legal “Dream Team,” he also needs folks who can perform in front of the camera and millions of people.
And NOT do a deer in the headlights imitation of Ralph Kramden…”Humina, Humina, Humina.”
You might need to be over, like, 45 or so to get THAT reference.
For those not familiar…Ken Starr headed up the investigation that led to Bill Clinton’s impeachment. Robert Ray overlapped with Ken Starr in the Venn Diagram of Clinton Corruption, in that he served as independent counsel on the Whitewater investigation, which looked at shady real estate investments by the Clintons and their equally shady associates.
The REAL intriguing member of Trump’s Legal Dream Team…who purportedly will focus solely on making constitutional arguments…is Alan Dershowitz.
Professor Dershowitz is a constitutional and criminal law scholar, and noted civil libertarian. And just as importantly…A RAVING MODERATE DEMOCRAT his entire life, who voted for Bill Clinton twice…Obama twice…AND Hillary!
Raving moderate? Ok, I like oxymorons, so kill me.
Anyway, Professor Dershowitz calls legal balls and strikes, period…political ideology be damned. And that’s what makes him SO valuable…even beyond his legal street cred.
And pity the poor dumbass that even TRIES to accuse him of being a Trump acolyte.
Not that that’ll stop’em. We ARE talking about the Left and media here.
Once…twice…three times a dumbass.
Apologies to Lionel Richie and the Commodores, who sang something close to that.
Anyway…don’t look for any impeachment buzzer beater here.
This thing’ll be a Dream Team blowout by the time the frisbee catching dog makes his appearance at halftime.
And in the first installment of The Drunken Republican Celebrity Female Genitalia News…
First, I am wholly simpatico with our President in the respect that I have almost zero self-control.
As everyone who knows me nods their head in furious agreement.
I read something wacky like Gweneth Paltrow is selling a candle that purportedly smells like her vagina, and I cannot simply walk away in utter disgust.
Like any sane person would.
I must comment. I must know more. DETAILS! GIMME DETAILS!!
Initially, I’m completely sickened by this on so many levels. But then eventually stricken with overwhelming curiosity. Does it REALLY smell like HER vagina? What DOES her vagina even smell like in the first place?
Or is it all marketing hype, and it simply smells like your boring, everyday, run-of-the-mill vagina?
Anyway…the $75 candle is sold out (you read that right). And while I wouldn’t shell out that kind of dough for such silliness…if, say, someone in my many circles of acquaintances scored one of these babies, I would certainly steal a whiff or two…or seven.
And as luck would have it…in the circles in which I run…the probability of this happening is extremely high.
Not to toot my own horn, but working “vagina candles” into a political blog is indeed a rare talent.
Not useful or appropriate, mind you…but very, very rare.