The double-digit sub-zero temps all over the country a couple of weeks ago were a nice kick in the nads for the nervous nellies who reside in the Wacky World of Global Warming.
I love it when that happens.
In fact, it’s been reported that Al Gore tripled his depression meds when he realized the weather folks were saying POLAR VORTEX…not SOLAR VORTEX. Jesus Al, get a friggin’ hearing aid. It’s OK…they have low carbon footprints. At least a million times less than your private jet.
Poor Al still can’t catch a break…I mean, he loses the Presidency by 537 lousy votes, and you can STILL cruise the streets of Manhattan and Miami without a snorkel.
How in Sam Hell DOES he cope?
What a schmuck.
Anyway…
Ya know, when I played basketball as a kid, I always struggled going to my left. You want to know who DOESN’T have ANY trouble going to their left? Every single Democrat throwing their hat in the ring to take on The Donald in 2020.
Poor bastards.
Remember just a few short years ago when the powers that be in the Dumbocrat Party rigged their Three-Card-Monte primaries so poor Bernie Sanders couldn’t possibly get his ticket punched to the nomination?
It wasn’t ONLY that Hillary was going to be the anointed one, to once and for all shatter that annoying glass ceiling come Hell or High Water…but they were certain that a self-described Socialist could NEVER…EVER…prevail in a general election.
Well…what we are witnessing now is a reversal so epic, it would make even Caitlyn Jenner swoon. And she knows a thing or two about…ahem…reversals.
I GUESS WE AIN’T IN KANSAS ANYMORE, HUH, TOTO?
Don’t get me wrong…the insane Far Left policies extolled by every declared presidential candidate so far…and the ones to come…are about as original as Death Wish 5. I mean, raise taxes higher than Trump’s dream wall? Medicare for all? Open borders? Grow government bigger than Michael Moore’s ever-expanding BMI?
Same shit, different election.
But this time…bordering on liberal ‘Roid Rage.
And don’t get me started on these candidate’s desperate sprint to catch a ride on AOC’s farcical “Green New Deal” train, which would bankrupt the country lickety-split.
Although I must confess, I’m searching furiously for the downside of eradicating cow flatulence.
Hopefully the marketing folks at Gas-X are paying attention.
What is different, though, is the unapologetic, transparent…and even boasting…nature of it all. These Lefty Loons USED to Trojan Horse this shit and attempt their best centrist impersonations, a la Rich Little.
But now…and quite astoundingly…they say it loudly and proudly.
Completely out of the Socialist closet. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Quite liberating, I suppose…although I am loathe to attempt to get into their cavernous heads.
And if you haven’t noticed…moderates are about as welcome as those two smelly behemoths flanking your middle seat the last time you took to the friendly skies.
Note to Dems: This batshit crazy hard left lurch gets you zero votes in the Rust Belt, but zillions more in California and New York.
Hmmm…Either they amended the Constitution and pulled the old switcheroo from the electoral college to a popular vote while I was in a drunken coma…or these dumbass Dems are daffier than I thought.
Let’s keep that in the vault, as they used to say on Seinfeld.
In the first installment of The Drunken Republican health tips…
For a few weeks now, I have turned the water ice cold for about the last minute or two of every shower. This is thought to have many positive health effects, such as improved circulation and mood, weight loss, more energy, and a strengthened immune system.
One caution that I heed religiously, though, is to not partake in this activity on days in which I have a nude photo shoot scheduled.
A big no no…or small one, as it were.
As George Costanza, the Father of Cold Water Aversion, said…I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!
We all know TDR is way smarter than our imbecile of a President. Please tell me you understand the difference between “climate” and “weather”. Do you know what the temperature was in Adelaide, Australia during the polar vortex? Record highs of 120 degrees. I know for most readers here, if it doesn’t happen in the US it doesn’t matter, but climate change is very real and very destructive and a real threat to the future of our planet and our descendants, even if it is just a punchline to Trump and his band of clowns. There is a little process out there called science. It has actually proven to be pretty accurate and pretty effective, while certainly not perfect. There is only one planet, and I’m pretty sure the people slated to live peacefully on this planet for the next few million years don’t really care how many jobs Trump has created with his tsunami of deregulations. Perhaps if more people made decisions based actual science and not on how much money they can selfishly pocket, we would reach a better and safer place. Perhaps if more people made policy decisions based on science than a completely unsubstantiated fairy tale held up as sacred in a nation supposedly founded under the principles of separation of church and state, we would make more informed decisions.
But for now, I will just go turn down the temp in my shower. It’s good for the planet, and thanks to something I learned from TDR, it is apparently good for me.