I will not write about the shutdown every week.
I will not write about the shutdown every week.
I will not write about the shutdown every week.
He chanted.
Why, you ask? Well…
- It’s getting boring.
- I’d be repeating myself.
- There’s nothing new until Pelosi decides to stop holding her breath, turning blue in the face, stomping the ground with her $800 pumps, and start negotiating.
I’ll just ask one question before moving on…How can Pelosi keep saying she’s just SO distraught about the poor Government workers affected by the 25% shutdown…yet week after week passes, and she refuses to lift a crooked finger and do a goddamn thing about it?
As we all know, much of life is simply showing up.
Show up, Nancy. Just f*cking show up.
Ya know, I think it’s high time to get back to my media trashing ROOTS this week…a la Kunta Kinte.
If there was ANY doubt whatsoever, FAKE NEWS IS ALIVE AND WELL! And as usual, every bit as easy to spot as a bad toupee.
I’m talking to YOU, John Travolta. (Sorry Vinny Barbarino, I couldn’t resist…that fruit was hanging lower than grandpa’s testicles).
And for Fake News aficionados like your truly, last week was to be savored like a fine Cuban cigar.
First, the dreaded “anonymous source, uncorroborated” report from Buzzfeed…yeah, THOSE pillars of journalistic integrity…that ex-Trump personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, told the Mueller team that Trump instructed him to lie in his testimony to federal prosecutors.
Libs everywhere channeled their inner Flounder of Animal House fame, exclaiming…”Oh boy, is THIS great!”
OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE! WE GOT THAT ORANGE BASTARD TRUMP NOW! IMPEACHMENT PARTY!!!
And the heavyweights…the Michael Moore’s, if you will…of the mainstream media…ALL of them…breathlessly carpet-bombed this fiction. And I swear…nauseatingly appeared sexually aroused by this fantasy report like they just finished drooling over the latest installment of Penthouse Forum. Ew.
Sickos.
Such fantasy, in fact, that Bob Mueller himself felt the need to slither…ever so momentarily…out of the bowels of the Justice Department for the first time in 18 months to shoot down the report. Incredibly…but quite predictably…much of the fake newsers wouldn’t relent.
And really…why would they? I mean, these are people who believe unicorns eat rolls of multi-colored Life Savers and crap beautiful rainbows.
Anyway…
This next one was particularly scrumptious...
Fast and Furious reports start hitting the Internet this past Saturday from seemingly every f*cking media outlet about some teenager donning the classic red MAGA hat, and mocking an old Native American dude.
Wait, run those facts by me again? White males? Catholic School kids? Attending PRO-LIFE march? Wearing MAGA hats?
WELL SMACK MY ASS AND CALL ME SALLY! I’VE DIED AND GONE TO NARRATIVE HEAVEN!
Said every Trump-Hating, leg-wetting, mainstream media faux journalist.
Of course, ALL of it was deeper bullshit than you’d wade through at a manure farm.
Seems a slew of video came out that completely debunked the whole phony story. Even Fake News Behemoths CNN and The NY Times begrudgingly backed away within a day or two.
You can read all the FACTS here …and some great commentary to boot…from the ever so reliable Wall Street Journal…See The No BS Story
Some, though…similar to the aforementioned phony Buzzfeed story…are still ridiculously clinging to it like grim death.
Take that intellectual giant Alyssa Milano, for example, who just tweeted, “The red MAGA hat is the new white hood.”
Note to that empty-headed Hollywood dumbass: Just stick to your little acting gig, be a hot chick, run around on-screen braless and in cute little tight outfits…otherwise…STFU.
Sexist? Offensive? To quote Sarah Palin…”You Betcha!”
Eh, get over it. Trust me, I let her off easy.
And that Native American dude? A known activist who has a long, rich history of claiming harassment.
Obnoxiously banging his stupid little drum three millimeters from this kid’s face. That kid, who stood there silently, displayed the patience and tolerance of a monk. If it were an old cranky dude like me, Chief Banging Drum would have had to pay an emergency visit to his f*cking Proctologist to extract said drum out of his rear orifice.
The stick too.
Ouch.
Damn cell phone videos…said the Trump hating, groupthink, media mob who SO wished it all to be true.
Pathetic, lying, subversive frauds.
I’m not sure I can even believe their goddamn weather reports or basketball scores anymore.
Daily conversation heard in EVERY newsroom in the country…”Fake news to attack Trump…Check. Fake news to attack Trump supporters…Check. Guess we’re done for the day. Who’s up for happy hour?”
That rumbling you feel on your tootsies isn’t an earthquake…it’s every deceased, legitimate journalist in history spinning in their grave.