Can you believe it? This is the third Christmas season for The Drunken Republican. But if I’ve learned ONE thing…it’s that folks are way too busy around the Holidays to sit around with their loved ones in front of the Christmas tree, and even THINK about some silly political blog that is really nothing more than a collection of snarky one-liners spewed by a frustrated comedy writer.
During a normal week, I’m perfectly OK competing for the time of potential readers against things like watching paint dry, and picking lint out of one’s belly button. But wasting ANY hilarious Michael Moore fat jokes during the Holiday season that very few will have the pleasure of seeing…well…I just don’t see the point.
And in that vain, I have decided to re-publish a poem I wrote on the very first Drunken Republican Christmas, chronicling Donald Trump’s journey to the White House. If Jimmy Fallon and The Roots can take a holiday hiatus, dammit, so can I.
I hope this little trip down memory lane warms the cockles of your heart as it did for me…
They all said Trump would never, ever run,
And if he did, it’s just for fun.
But on the escalator, down Donald came,
Melania by his side, she’s quite a dame.
The haters said his chances were zero,
But for the rest of us, he was our hero.
He knocked off the others one by one,
And before you knew it, he was done.
Goodbye Jeb and goodbye Teddy,
How pathetic, they just weren’t ready.
Next came Hillary to start her journey,
But not before they totally screwed Bernie.
It was planned for years, she made it to the dance,
But the Rust Belt said she had no chance.
Sorry Princess Pantsuit, you’re outta luck,
‘Cause as a candidate, you totally suck.
It’s time for a woman president, that may be true,
But you know what, honey? Just not YOU.
The votes are counted, the people have spoken,
The Libs are crying, their hearts are broken.
We won the popular vote, you fools!
Last time I checked, those weren’t the rules.
Wikileaks, Comey, Russian hacking, and more,
Excuses, excuses, excuses galore.
Donald, Melania, and the kids, not too shoddy,
Especially Ivanka, a total hottie.
This First Family we surely rate a ten,
‘Cause they’re Making America Great Again.