Most kids consider it cruel and unusual punishment to have to stare at the mountain of presents under the Christmas tree, and then, actually having to wait until the BIG DAY before tearing into them like the Tasmanian Devil all hopped up on energy drinks.  Not me.  I love it. The sheer anticipation of something that’s gonna be pleasurable…enjoyable…is a sort of high.  Not like from those rad little dark chocolates I scarfed down on my last trip to Colorado, mind you…but a high nonetheless.  And this is where I find myself as the dike is bursting on what is unequivocally the biggest scandal in the history of the United States…bar none.  Even Michael Moore’s fat sausage-like index finger lacks the circumference to plug THAT gaping hole…

Here’s the Reader’s Digest version of what we know, described by Charles Hurt of the Washington Times, as only he can…“We can pick our president. But then the powerful established bureaucracy must conduct a massive, sprawling, limitless investigation into any and all aspects of the president we pick.  The basis of this “investigation” is an increasingly debunked frame-up designed and drafted by the Kremlin and paid for by President Trump’s political opponent in the presidential election…At the height of the presidential election, the administration of the outgoing president of the United States — Mr. Trump’s most powerful political enemy — handed over the controls of America’s spy apparatus to begin moving against Mr. Trump and his campaign.  They exposed people, spied on people and began setting the trap just in case the stupid people of America picked Mr. Trump to be their president. They lied, conspired and held secret meetings.  So special counsel Robert Mueller’s endless investigation in search of a crime should have been no surprise. It was cooked up long before Mr. Trump even won the election.”

Watergate looks like an improper lane change in comparison.  A mere speck of a scandal compared to this slow motion coup d’etat of the sort once thought to be reserved for shithole third world countries.  (Oh c’mon, we all know it was time to drag the old “S-Hole” word out of the archives).

Like a mash-up of a Heinz Ketchup commercial and government corruption, I am relishing the seemingly endless drip, drip, drip of the massive illegalities perpetrated by the Obama Justice Dept, FBI, and the rest of the merry band of Deep Staters.  Ever since their ultimate protector Hillary shit the bed in November of 2016 (sorry for THAT visual), this whole criminal crew has been twisting in the wind, like a fugitive on the run.  My sadistic side is savoring this like a fine Cuban cigar…I’m so ashamed.

And let’s not short change the significant supporting role played by their smitten little BFF’s in the Fake News Media.  Not a Woodward OR Bernstein in the whole sorry lot.  Bottom line…no amount of denials, stonewalling of investigators and subpoenas, or 24/7 diversionary obsessing by the Fake News Media about over-the-hill, saggy porn stars is going to help.  The jig is up for these criminals, yet they laughably continue to whistle past the graveyard.  In the self-awareness department, these Trump-Hating law breakers are right up there with the ladies perusing the skinny jean section at Lane Bryant.  (Pardon the poetic license…there is no skinny jean section at Lane Bryant).

Anyway…as if my insatiable thirst isn’t quenched enough by this House of Cards plummeting faster than Kevin Spacey’s career, here’s the glorious smackdown dealt by Federal Judge T.S. Ellis III to Witch Hunt Mueller last week during a hearing related to the bank fraud charges (alleged from well over a decade ago) brought against former Trump Campaign Chairman Paul Manafort…“You don’t really care about Mr. Manafort’s bank fraud … What you really care about is what information Mr. Manafort could give you that would reflect on Mr. Trump or lead to his prosecution or impeachment…What we don’t want in this country, we don’t want anyone with unfettered power … It’s unlikely you’re going to persuade me the special counsel has unlimited powers to do anything he or she wants.”  Legal bitch slap, right there.

So, when the Inspector General’s report comes out in the coming weeks, dotting I’s and crossing T’s on this whole failed, pathetic plan…it’ll be Game, Set, Match.  Checkmate.  Adios.  Sayonara. Wait, what’s that beautiful sound I’m hearing?… “IF ONLY HILLARY HAD WON, WE’D BE HOME FREE!  DAMMIT!”  Music to my ears. These Trump-Hating Socialist Gasbags, who feign endless outrage over Mr. Trump’s well-documented moral failings of the past three decades…and was elected nonetheless…are themselves, it turns out…the most immoral scumbags on the planet.

Big fat hypocrites.  Like Ted Bundy being sickened by serial killers.  How rich.